The appliance repairman was here at the house yesterday to fix the dryer and the gas range. He’s been here before. Friendly, heavy-set, neat. He likes our dog, Frankie, and always wants her to come to him so he can pet her. But Frankie is scared of him, frightened by his tool box, I think. Yesterday, though, after I encouraged her to say hi to him, she finally settled on the floor near his feet while he was writing up the bill for his work done.

Not the repairman’s cat; not my range.

Since he is so fond of Frankie, I asked him if he had any animals at home. That was when he told me that his cat had recently died. “I had him for 17 and a half years.” I said I was sorry to hear that and then asked him if he was going to get another cat. “My wife is having some problems right now,” he said. “She just had an operation a few months ago and she’s going to need another one. Have to get through all this before I can think about another animal.”

As he sat there rubbing Frankie’s neck, I said, “Well, at least you get to see some animals during the day, right? I imagine a fair number of the homes you visit each day must have dogs or cats around.”

“Yes, they do,” he said, “it’s the best part of my day.”

That always kills me. Someone saying the best part of their day is something unrelated to their work. Why isn’t repairing appliances the best part of his day? He’s helping people carry on with their lives. I’m elated that the dryer and the range are fixed. Shouldn’t he be happy that he has made my life better? Then again, perhaps he’s bored to death, having seen the same things over and over and over again. How many different things are their to fix on home appliances? Still, I’m always sad when I hear people say that their job doesn’t bring them happiness, that other things make them happy, like dogs and cats.

I should have asked him why he likes cats so much.

[ flickr photo courtesy of dreamo ]

Recently, a friend had to put her dog down. (Such an odd phrase, but what else do you say? Had to kill her dog?) A cute little Cairn Terrier. As soon as my wife told me the news I went to our dog, Frankie, and hugged her. And thought of the day when we might have to put her down. I cried. And thought back to when we first got Frankie, a small black and white English cocker spaniel. As soon as we got her, I started thinking about her not being around. I guess I was just so instantaneously smitten with her. That’s one problem with dogs; you’re more than likely going to outlive them.

Our friend lives in New York city and the vet came to her apartment to put her dog down. Which seems very humane. I pictured Keeper sitting on the living room sofa, the vet giving him a pill and then the injection.

In that same time period, we got a “Drs Foster and Smith” mail order catalog. There was an article embedded about euthanizing your pet. I read that. Imagining Frankie on a table in the vet’s office. The needle in a leg…first the calming drugs and then the one that stops the heart. My wife said that our friend labored over the decision to put her dog down. He was in obvious discomfort all the time. But as soon as she called the vet, the dog seemed to perk up. As if he knew that soon his pain would be over.

I get weepy just thinking about it. Not long thereafter I was lying in bed, rubbing Frankie’s tummy. She lay there on her back, rear legs splayed, front lets bent at the elbows, as if in supplication. Her body relaxed. Her eyes closed. She looked happy. And in that moment I realized that that would be how we would put her down. At home, on the bed, we’d give her a pill to relax her and then I’d rub her tummy until she closed her eyes and then they would just never open again.

Why do I leap ahead 9,10 years to the death of this little dog that I love? Why does that end come to mind? Do I have to begin now to prepare myself? There are other friends whose dogs have died. They seem not to want to talk about it. Easier to talk about a parent passing away than it is a dog. Or is that just me?

Obviously bringing a dog into our lives created a lot of issues for me, particularly around death. But then I thought, maybe other people think this way as well. And why not find out? That’s when I started taking some video courses at my local Brookline Access TV station.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I’m looking at the project as an exploration. As one guy said, “Getting a dog means guaranteed heartbreak.” So why do we get dogs? Maybe most people don’t think about the end of the pet’s life as soon as they get it. But then again, people have multiple dogs in their lifetimes. They deal with the heartbreak. Then again, some people don’t. Maybe they don’t want to go through that loss more than once.

These are all things I’ll be exploring as I begin interviewing dog owners, people who have recently lost dogs, dog trainers, veterinarians, and other animal professionals.